Maths Issues

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got? Paddy: Six. Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven! Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven? Paddy: I've already got one rabbit at home now!

Double Checked

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, "DAMN! That's the ugliest fuckin' baby I've EVER seen!" In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. She fumed for a few stops and started getting really worked up. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me!" she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Hey! He's a public servant and he shouldn't say things to insult the passengers." "You're right!" she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey!"

Nice comparism

A girl realised that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said- "that part where hair have grown is called Monkey, be proud dat your monkey have grown hair". . . . the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister-"my monkey have grown hair" Her sister smiled and said-that's nothing, mine is already eating bananas"...Mom fainted

You get what you want

A girl posted an advertisement in the paper for a husband, saying: 'I need a person who will never leave me, never beat me and can satisfy me in bed.' Next day, a guy with no arms and legs knocked loudly at her door. Girl:who are you? Guy: I want to be your husband. Girl:you don't fit for that. Guy:I don't have arms, so I can't beat u. I don't have legs, so I can't leave you. Girl: But how can you satisfy me in bed? Guy:How do you think I knocked the door?

Be yourself (no matter what)

David and Micheal were lost in the Sahara desert .. They were dying of thirst when they saw a mosque .. David said:'Look lets pretend we are Muslims!! ... otherwise we'll not get any food or drink .. i am going to call myself' Ahmed".' Micheal refused to change his name and identity and said: 'I will not pretend to be other than what I really am.' The Imam of mosque received both well and asked about their names ... David:'My name is Abdulhammed.!!!' Micheal:'My name is Micheal.' The Imam turned to his helpers and said: 'Please bring food and water for Micheal only.' Then he turned to David (Abdulhammed) and said: Dear Abdul, how is fasting?

Sharp Boyfriend

Major Azeez has been monitoring the movement of his only daughter recently. In fact, he first picks her calls to confirm the identity of the caller before handing it over to her after thorough screening. But on one fateful day, her boyfriend called and Major picked the call as usual. Major: Hello! may I know you? Caller: Sorry I want to speak with Janet Sir. Major: I said who are you and what for???!!! Caller: (After understanding the situation at hand) Okay Sir, I am Frank Edoho from who want to be a millionaire. Janet's friend is presently on the hot seat and needs her help to answer a question for N2 million. This call is for 30 seconds only. So the next voice you'll hear is hers, the time starts now... Major: Oh no am very sorry!!! Janet! Janet!! please take your phone, your friend needs your help... Caller: The question is; when are you coming tomorrow? (a) Morning (b) Afternoon (c) Evening (d) Night Janet: B Caller: Are you sure? Janet: Yes am very sure.

Clueless Husband

Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50."

What a small world!

Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around, and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress! Maybe you'd better go talk to them." The second man walked toward the ladies, got halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back and said: "Small world."

Good point (Whiskey)

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

Dear Google

I hate you, Google. You've caused a lot of problems in my relationship. I share a computer with my girlfriend and she would look up anything. "I'm going to look up apples today." She just hits 'A.' It's "Asian ass porn" instantly. Google is, like, "I'll take it from here. I know exactly what you're looking up... Well, every time you hit 'A,' it's 'Asian ass porn.'" Google! All I ask is that you let her type three letters before you jump to such a bold conclusion. It's bad enough that I'm clearing my history every three hours and changing my passwords. I'm trying to have an honest relationship, and you are fucking my shit up!

Swearing in heaven?

What if you went to heaven and God meets you and says, "Hey, welcome to fuckin' heaven." I'm like, "What did you say?" "Welcome to fuckin' heaven." "I didn't know you could swear." "Fuck, yeah, it's fucking heaven" "Well, I was raised as a child never to swear." "Where does it say in the Bible that you can't fuckin' swear?" "No fuckin' where!" "All right, now you are getting the hang of it. Oh, yeah, I saw some slutty bitches outside the pearly gates? You wanna tap that? They ain't gettin' in!" "What?" "No, just kidding. You aren't in heaven, you're in hell. You've been punk'd." Arghhh!

Mexican Couple

A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "Honey, I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules! Any comments?" His lovely new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at eight o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."